cine, comic, Críticas

CRÍTICA SIN SPOILERS DE AVENGERS ENDGAME (IN SPANISH AND ENGLISH)

Artículo publicado originalmente en docpastor.com

 

Es una durísima tarea hacer una crítica de Avengers: Endgame sin soltar spoilers. Difícil, un esfuerzo titánico, pero necesario. Y, por lo tanto, tengo la obligación moral de hacerlo. Porque es lo que harían los Vengadores.

No voy a hablaros de la trama, ni de grandes diálogos ni de momentos épicos, solo de lo alucinado que me ha dejado esta maravilla. Puede que no sea la mejor película del MCU –la sombra de Winter Soldier es larga y oscurece cualquier otra película de acción que una mente humana pueda concebir-, pero es sin duda la más apoteósica.

Hablamos del capítulo final de la primera “serie de televisión narrada en cines”, por así llamarla. Una historia-río que ha durado 11 años y 22 películas, cuya “season finale” tenía que estar a la altura y darnos fuegos artificiales y emociones a mansalva. Y os prometo que lo hace. Quizás no sea tan buena como Infinity War, o quizás es simplemente que aquella nos pilló por sorpresa y en ésta ya esperábamos esa epicidad y no nos ha chocado tanto. Si recordáis Guardianes de la Galaxia, conozco a mucha gente que dice que la segunda entrega no es tan buena como la primera, pero no estoy de acuerdo para nada: la segunda es mucho más redonda como película, más emotiva y perfecta, pero la primera pilló al gran público por sorpresa –una peli de superhéroes, ¡con humor y música ochentera! ¡Sorpresa!– y la segunda ya se la vieron venir, con lo que el elemento sorpresa había desaparecido porque ya sabían lo que se iban a encontrar. Supongo que con Endgame me ha pasado un poco lo mismo: no es que Infinity War fuera mejor, es que hace un año su nivel de épica legendaria nos cogió por sorpresa y para su secuela ya veníamos preparados.

La dirección es impecable, simplemente perfecta –al fin y al cabo estamos hablando de los hermanos Russo, ¿cuándo han hecho algo mal?– y todo el apartado visual está más allá de los niveles de genialidad que podamos imaginar. Me quito la gorra ante los diseñadores conceptuales y la planificación en general.

Alan Silvestri sigue siendo un dios entre insectos y para mí la banda sonora de la saga Vengadores ya ha superado a la de Batman de Danny Elfman o la de Superman de John Williams en cuanto a inolvidable. En esta nueva entrega, la música no os defraudará.

Ya he dicho que puede que no sea la mejor película del MCU, pero sí que es sin duda la más emocional. Lo que más me ha gustado de Endgame es que el gran protagonista es el aspecto emotivo de la historia. El impacto de cada suceso en la vida de los personajes es el principal factor de esta cinta, el pilar sobre el que se sustenta todo, más que la acción o los giros de guión espectaculares –que también los hay-. Os aconsejo que preparéis una buena caja de pañuelos desechables o, en su defecto, que os sonéis los mocos con una chaqueta a la que no le tengáis especial cariño. No llevéis lentillas. Repito: No. Llevéis. Lentillas.

Hay que saber encontrarle también los puntos negativos a una película por mucho que nos haya gustado y en este caso, como en todos, también tiene sus defectos. La película establece paralelismos muy efectivos con su predecesora y en su mayor parte esto funciona muy bien, creando una sensación de respuesta “rimada” muy interesante, similar a cuando una guitarra repite la melodía de una voz en una canción blues y crea una simetría artística preciosa. Pero en algunas ocasiones esto puede resultar algo repetitivo, hasta el punto en que hay cierta escena que es demasiado calcada a una de Infinity War y, sin aportar nada nuevo, resulta forzada, previsible e innecesaria. Otro problema es que, con tantísimos personajes, algunos apenas tienen apariciones muy puntuales y no se les da el protagonismo que se merecían. Esto provoca una cierta sensación de desaprovechar posibilidades muy jugosas.

Afortunadamente, estos fallos no empañan la obra, simplemente la alejan un poquito de la perfección que podría haber alcanzado de haberlos subsanado de antemano. Quizás debido a estos problemas menores le doy una puntuación de 8,5 en lugar de un 10, pero sigue estando entre el top de las películas del MCU y obviamente a años luz de cualquiera del DCEU. Cumple a la perfección con lo que esperaba encontrarme e incluso más. Os lo digo tal cual: yo he salido de casa para ir a ver una película sobre un mapache pegando tiros y he visto una película sobre un mapache pegando tiros, así que estoy más que satisfecho.

Giros de guión que sorprenden, chistes desternillantes alternados con momentos lacrimógenos, escenas de acción espectaculares, superhéroes haciendo posturitas y soltando frases demoledoras, fan service puro y duro, algunas situaciones concretas y detalles visuales que todo fan de los cómics de toda la vida reconocerá y agradecerá… tiene todo lo que le pedimos a una película de Marvel. E incluso momentos que sin duda se volverán míticos y quedarán grabados para siempre en el recuerdo colectivo, al nivel de algunas escenas ya legendarias del MCU, como lo fueran en su día la paliza a Loki al final de Vengadores, el combate entre Hulk y Thor en Ragnarok, la pelea del ascensor de Winter Soldier, el bailecito de Star-Lord o la llegada de Thor a Wakanda, por citar sólo algunas de las escenas más recordadas.

Como capítulo de cierre definitivo de una saga, es impecable y deja un listón muy, muy alto. Sólo espero que otras grandes sagas mainstream que pronto llegarán a su fin, como Juego de Tronos o Supernatural, puedan estar a la altura emocional en sus conclusiones. Gracias por tanto, Kevin Feige. Gracias por darlo todo, hermanos Russo. El fandom marvelita se inclina ante vosotros.


ENGLISH VERSION:

Article originally posted at The Uncanny Nerd.

It’s a very hard task to do a review of Avengers: Endgame and keep it spoiler-free. Difficult, a titanic effort, but necessary. Hence I have the moral obligation to do it. Because that’s what the Avengers would do.

I’m not going to discuss the plot, great dialogues or epic moments, just how staggered this marvel –no pun intended– has left me. It may not be the best MCU movie –the shadow of Winter Soldier is long and darkens any other action movie a human mind could conceive– but it’s undoubtedly the most tremendous.

We’re talking about the final chapter of the first “TV show narrated in movie theaters”, to put it somehow. A river-story lasting 11 years and 22 movies, its “season finale” had to be up to it and give us fireworks and emotions generously. And I promise you it does. Maybe it’s not as good as Infinity War, or maybe it’s just that the previous one caught us by surprise and for this new one we were already expecting the epicness and it didn’t shock us that much. If you remember Guardians of the Galaxy, I know a lot of people who say the second part is not as good as the first one, but I strongly disagree: the second part is much more emotional and perfect as a movie, but the first one caught most of the audience by surprise –a superhero movie with humor and 80s music! Surprise!– and with the second part we were already expecting it and the surprise element had disappeared. I guess the same happened to me with Endgame: it’s not that Infinity War was better, it’s just that one year ago we were shocked by its legendary level of epicness, but now we were already prepared for the sequel.

The direction is impeccable, simply perfect –we’re talking about the Russos after all, when have they done something wrong?– and all of the visual section is beyond the levels of genius we could imagine. I take off my hat before the concept artists and the general planning.

Alan Silvestri is still a god among insects and to me the soundtrack of the Avengers saga has already surpassed those of Danny Elfman’s Batman or John Williams’ Superman as regards how unforgettable it is.

I’ve already said that it might not be the best MCU movie, but it’s with no doubt the most emotional. My favorite thing about Endgame is that the great protagonist is the sensitive aspect of the story. The impact of every event in the lives of the characters is the main factor of this film, the pillar that supports everything, more than action or plot twists –though there’s a lot of those, too. I recommend that you get a big box of disposable tissues or at least get ready to blow your nose with an old jacket you’re not especially attached to. And don’t wear contact lenses. I repeat: Don’t. Wear. Contact. Lenses.

One must also learn to find the negative aspects of a movie, no matter how much we enjoyed it. And in this case, as in any other, it also has its flaws. The film stablishes very effective parallelisms with its predecessor and it mostly works great, creating the sensation of a very interesting “rhymed” answer, similar to when a guitar repeats the voice melody in a blues song and creates a beautiful artistic symmetry. But occasionally it can be a little repetitive, to the point where there’s a certain scene which is just the spitting image of another one from Infinity War and, not providing anything new, it turns out to be forced, foreseeable and unnecessary. Another problem is the huge amount of characters, resulting in some of them barely appearing punctually and not having the prominence they deserved. This causes a sensation of wasting some juicy possibilities.

Luckily, these flaws don’t spoil the work, they just put it a little away from perfection. Maybe due to these minor problems I give it a punctuation of 8.5 instead of 10, but it’s still amongst the top MCU movies and obviously lightyears over any DCEU flick. It perfectly achieves what I was expecting to find and even more. I’ll tell you just like that: I’ve gone there to watch a movie about a raccoon shooting guns and I’ve watched a movie about a raccoon shooting guns, so I feel satisfied.

Surprising plot twists, hilarious jokes, weepy moments, spectacular action scenes, superheroes doing cool poses and letting out awesome one-liners, pure fan service, some specific situations and visual details that every good fan of lifelong comics will appreciate… it has everything that we could have asked from a Marvel movie. And even some moments that will undoubtedly be engraved forever in the collective memory, same level as some legendary MCU scenes, such as the beating of Loki at the end of Avengers, the match between Thor and Hulk in Ragnarok, the elevator fight in Winter Soldier, Star-Lord’s stupid dance or Thor arriving to Wakanda, to quote only some of the most remembered scenes.

As the definitive closing of a saga, it’s spotless and sets a very, very high bar. I just hope some other mainstream sagas that are about to come to an end, such as Game of Thrones or Supernatural, can be up to it in their emotional conclusions. Thanks for so much, Kevin Feige. Thanks for giving us all, Russo Brothers. The Marvelite fandom kneels before you.

 

 

Article by Jöse Sénder.

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cine, comic, Críticas

Jugosas teorías (no spoilers) sobre AVENGERS ENDGAME

19-4-2019

Hay un tema candente en la sociedad nerd: ¿Qué va a pasar en Avengers: Endgame? Muchas páginas frikis están elaborando sus teorías conspiranoicas y yo no podía ser menos. Vamos con algunas de mis hipótesis –tranquilos, no hay ningún spoiler, no he visto el material filtrado-, para que, una vez se estrene la película y todos alucinemos en colores, os pueda decir “¿Lo veis? ¡Os lo dije! ¡Soy un profeta!” y alguien erija una iglesia en mi nombre o, ni que sea, Chris Evans me firme un autógrafo.

 

¿QUIÉN MUERE Y QUIÉN VIVE?

Tengo el pálpito –aunque ojalá me equivoque en esto– de que el Capitán América y Iron Man no van a salir con vida. Son los dos grandes iconos clásicos del MCU. Si no los dos, al menos uno de los dos muere seguro. Y ojalá no sea así, pero lo más probable es que sea Steve Rogers. Los fans llevamos desde el estreno de la primera peli de Vengadores (2012) deseando que el Capi grite “Vengadores, reuníos” en algún momento. En La Era de Ultrón (2015), Whedon ya nos hizo un coitus interruptus cortando la frase a mitad para los créditos finales. Pero esta vez, me jugaría algo a que, si el Capitán América muere –algo para lo que no estoy emocionalmente preparado– soltará un último y épico AVENGERS ASSEMBLE antes de su gloriosa caída.

Hay algunos que casi podemos aventurar que van a sobrevivir sí o sí: Bucky y el Halcón tienen una serie confirmada para Disney +, así como Ojo de Halcón, que compartirá serie con su sucesora Kate Bishop. Disney está también en conversaciones con Mark Ruffalo para una serie de televisión de Hulk y Hulka –ay dios, ojalá sea cierto-, así que es casi seguro que estos cuatro saldrán con vida. Lo mismo podríamos decir de la Viuda Negrapelícula en solitario confirmada, en la que se enfrentará con uno de mis villanos favoritos, El Supervisor– y Thorsegún Tessa Thompson, Taika Waititi ya está en conversaciones con Disney para dirigir Thor 4-. Pero nunca se sabe, la peli de la Viuda bien podría ser una precuela, así como Thor 4 podría estar protagonizada por cualquier otro de los que han llevado el martillo –Jane Foster, Eric Masters, la puta rana, Groot o, Claremont sagrado lo quiera, Bill Rayos Beta-, así que con estos dos no hay nada seguro.

¿QUIÉN SALE A PARTIR DEL MINUTO 15?

Los hermanos Russo han insistido mucho en que no tenemos ni idea de lo que va a pasar en la peli, que todo lo visto en los tráilers no es más que material de los primeros 15 minutos de la película, que después de eso empiezan a salir ciertos personajes sorprendentes a los que no han querido mostrarnos. ¿A quiénes podrían referirse? Algunas posibilidades son:

  • X-Men. Disney por fin tiene a Fox y es cuestión de tiempo que por fin se incluya a los mutantes en el MCU. Qué mejor momento para hacerlo que en una película sobre unas piedras que trastocan la realidad, el tiempo y el mismo tejido del universo. Ni que sea, debería haber un pequeño cameo de Deadpool o de Lobezno. ¿Y si Dark Phoenix es la pieza clave para derrotar a Thanos?
  • Los 4 Fantásticos. Otra propiedad –maltratadísima– de Fox y Konstantin Films ha pasado por fin a Disney y, ahora que ya tenemos a los Skrulls, ya toca que su archienemigo Reed Richards se una al MCU. Si añadieron a Hank Pym o a Carol Danvers mediante retrocontinuidad, ¿por qué no hacer lo mismo con la Primera Familia de Superhéroes? Además, serviría para introducir al que podría ser el próximo Loki del MCU: El Doctor Muerte.
  • Los Defensores. No los Defensores originales de los cómics –Doctor Extraño, Hulk, Namor y Estela Plateada– sino los de Netflix –Daredevil, Jessica Jones, Iron Fist y Luke Cage-. Han cancelado todas sus series de repente, incluso las que iban viento en popa como Daredevil o Punisher, gracias a sus índices de audiencia y a tener a todos los guionistas de Buffy trabajando en ellas. Sí, la idea era llevárselas a Disney +, pero… ¿y si antes hacen su aparición en Avengers Endgame para ayudar al Capi y sus colegas a luchar contra Thanos?
  • Coulson. En serio, Phil J. Coulson, proclamado por los Kree como “el héroe más poderoso de la tierra” (Agentes de SHIELD temporada 5) es un Vengador por pleno derecho desde la primera película y uno de los personajes más queridos por los fans. Su serie es desde la segunda temporada el centro neurálgico de todo lo que se cuece en el MCU, preparando con antelación los eventos de Winter Soldier, introduciendo a los Kree y los Inhumanos, etc. Ya sería hora de que el mejor agente del mundo se reuniera con sus amigos Vengadores y les hiciera saber que sigue con vida –hasta la fecha, sólo Lady Sif lo sabe-. Además, entre sus ayudantes cuenta o ha contado con personajes esenciales para la historia de los Vengadores en el universo de los cómics, como son QuakeDaisy Johnson– o Pájaro BurlónBobbi Morse-. Coulson no tiene poderes, pero tampoco los ha necesitado para enfrentarse al Enjambre, al Hombre Absorbente o al mismísimo Gravitón. No sería tan raro que apareciese por sorpresa en la peli y fuera él quien gritase “Vengadores, reuníos” en lugar del Capi –es el único al que se lo permitiríamos sin que estallaran revueltas furiosas en las calles de todo el mundo-.
  • Los Nuevos Vengadores. También hay que prever que, después de 11 años de MCU, es muy probable que eliminen a los viejos protagonistas y aprovechen para introducir a una nueva generación de héroes. Black Panther, Carol Danvers y Spidey se van a quedar seguro, pero alguien tendrá que acompañarles y aquí podrían introducirnos a nuevos héroes para hacerles compañía. ¿El Caballero Luna, cuya peli estuvo rumoreada una temporada? ¿Wonder Manque iba a ser Nathan Fillion en Guardianes 2 y al final lo eliminaron-? ¿HulkaPOR FAVOR-? ¿Pájaro Burlón sacada directamente de Agents of SHIELD? ¿Dragón Lunarla hija de Drax y miembro fundador de los Guardianes de la Galaxia-? ¿Estaturala hija de Scott Lang-? ¿Adam Warlock? ¿La verdadera Capitana MarvelMonica Rambeau-? ¿Bucky con el uniforme del Capitán América? ¿Starfoxes el hermano de Thanos, sería lógico que apareciera para echar un cable-? ¿La Chica Ardilla? ¿Howard el Pato?

 

¿CÓMO DERROTAN A THANOS?

Algunas posibilidades molonas:

  • Reciben la inesperada ayuda de un misterioso aliado muy poderoso que al final resulta ser el próximo gran villano del MCU: Kang el Conquistador al fin y al cabo, puede viajar por el tiempo-, Galactusya ha derrotado a Thanos en alguna ocasión-, Annihilusel único lo bastante poderoso para hacer temblar al Titán Loco-, Apocalipsispero bien hecho, no como en Fox-. El TodopoderosoThe Beyonder, el gran villano de las Secret Wars de los 80-.
  • El profesor Xavier lo controla mentalmente para que se deje apalizar por Carol Danvers y Jean Grey.
  • Drax o Gamora lo apuñalan, como siempre debió ser.
  • Nébula se sacrifica para matarlo y redimirse de sus maldades.
  • No más Titanes”. La Bruja Escarlata desatada.
  • Simplemente se lo carga Carol Danvers. Al fin y al cabo, en los cómics el archinémesis de Thanos siempre fue el Capitán Marvel original, Mar-Vell, que se bastaba y se sobraba para someter al Titán a base de hostias, así que… ¿por qué no iba a poder Carol hacer lo mismo?
  • Usan las Gemas del Infinito para invocar a todas las encarnaciones de la Capitana Marvel de realidades alternativas, con lo que se podría formar la Guardia del Infinito que incluya a Carol, Monica Rambeau, Mar-Vell, Genis-Vell, Noh-Varr y sobre todo Phyla-Vell, justo a tiempo para luego poder incluirla en Guardianes de la Galaxia 3.
  • Ésta es mi favorita y la que de verdad espero que pase: Usan las Gemas del Infinito para invocar a multitud de superhéroes de otras realidades y darle a Thanos una paliza entre todos: X-Men, los 4 Fantásticos, Howard el Pato, los Inhumanos, Capa y Puñal, Runaways, The Gifted, Legión… El Capi esgrime el Guantelete del Infinito para invocarlos mientras da un discurso épico sobre que cualquier superhéroe de cualquier universo es un Vengador y, tras gritar “Vengadores, reuníos”, muere consumido por la energía de las Gemas y se reúne con Peggy Carter de forma emotiva. Todos lloramos mucho.

 

OTRAS TEORÍAS

  • HEROES REBORN. Al igual que sucediera en la mítica saga de los 90, tras ser aniquilados por el villano Onslaught –una fusión maligna y todopoderosa de Magneto y Xavier-, los superhéroes parecen haber muerto, pero en realidad están ocultos en un universo de bolsillo creado por el mutante más poderoso de todos los tiempos, Franklin Richards. Sería una forma genial de introducir a los 4 Fantásticos en el MCU.
  • MI TEORÍA MÁS LOCA HASTA EL MOMENTO. ¿Y si lo hemos visto al revés? ¿Y si todos los personajes a los que vimos convertirse en polvo al final de Infinity War… son en realidad los que sobrevivieron al chasquido? La escena estaba vista desde el punto de vista del Capi, la Viuda y los otros que no murieron, pero… ¿y si ellos son los que murieron en realidad y fueron lanzados al universo de la Gema del Alma, mientras que a los que vimos convertirse en polvo son en realidad los que se salvaron y ahora están en el exterior luchando aún contra Thanos? “Era la única forma”, dijo Extraño antes de… ¿desaparecer? ¿O de ver cómo era Tony quien desaparecía mientras él se quedaba para seguir luchando junto a Spider-Man y los Guardianes? Eso explicaría que los superhéroes a los que supuestamente vimos “morir” sean los únicos que tienen secuelas confirmadas –Spider-Man, Black Panther, Doctor Extraño, Guardianes de la Galaxia-.
  • STAN LEE. El último cameo a título póstumo de The Man podría ser más épico que ninguno de los anteriores. Podría aparecérseles como el Beyonder, o incluso venir a felicitarles por la victoria como Eternidad o Infinito, los dos dioses supremos del universo Marvel, que de hecho están inspirados en él mismo y Jack Kirby. Sea como sea, preveo chorros de lágrimas con su aparición.
  • NO HAY THANOS. Venció, su historia acabó, él fue el ganador. En esta película, quizás no tengan que derrotar a Thanos, porque él ya se ha retirado y todo se la trae al fresco, sino simplemente intentar revertir el daño que hizo, mientras otro nuevo gran villano que no tiene nada que ver con él –Doc Muerte, Kang, Annihilus, Magus– intenta impedir que lo hagan.
  • LA PRÓXIMA MACROSAGA. Si la trama que ha durado 22 películas llega a su fin, es de esperar que dé comienzo otra de iguales proporciones, otro evento cósmico para la próxima veintena de películas. ¿Por qué no empezar a plantearla ya en Endgame y dar las primeras pinceladas? Mi apuesta va para la saga ANIQUILACIÓN, en la que Annihilus, gran señor de la dimensión alternativa conocida como la Zona Negativa, se abre paso hasta nuestro universo con la idea de acabar con toda la vida en él y ocuparlo con sus huestes devoradoras. Como villano cósmico que esté por encima de Thanos, sólo puede ser él o Galactus. Y, si se cumpliera mi teoría de que el Capi usa el Guantelete para abrir portales a otros universos e invocar superhéroes alternativos, podría ser la excusa perfecta para que se rompiera la barrera que separa el MCU de la Zona Negativa y Annihilus pudiera entrar. Además, sería otra buena excusa para que aparecieran los 4 Fantásticos –“ah sí, somos superhéroes legendarios de este mismo universo, pero es que la liamos un poco y llevábamos 20 años atrapados en esa dimensión, supongo que a Nick Furia se le olvidó hablaros de nosotros”-.
  • Tony Stark le hace por fin un chiste sobre Sherlock Holmes al Doctor Extraño. Jude Law y Martin Freeman se unen a la frikifiesta.
  • Los Russo meten un cameo de algo relacionado con Community o Arrested Development, como hacen en todas sus películas –Abed en Winter Soldier, el coche escalera en Civil War, Tobias Funke en Infinity War-. En ésta podrían meter a Chang de Community como CHANG EL CONQUISTADOR. Yo qué sé, por decir algo.
  • Vuelve Peggy Carter y le pega un sopapo a Thanos, por capullo.

 

En realidad, lo que molaría es que se cumpliera esa absurda troleada masiva de internet y que el Hombre Hormiga se metiera en el culo de Thanos para hacerlo explotar. Pero todos sabemos que el Doctor Extraño jamás le permitiría hacer una cosa tan grosera y tan poco británica.

Ya veremos lo que pasa, hasta entonces recordad las sabias palabras de Steve Rogers: “UNA VEZ VENGADOR, SIEMPRE VENGADOR”.

‘Nuff said!

Críticas

STARS WHO PLAYED MULTIPLE SUPERHEROES/VILLAINS: THE ULTIMATE LIST

26-9-2018

Publicado originalmente en Uncanny Nerd.

We know actors have to eat and they often take every role they are offered, sometimes resulting in appearing in a terrible movie, sometimes getting lucky and playing an unforgettable role. And in the superhero movies business, sometimes the same actor/actress appears in different movies playing various characters. I would have mentioned James Franco as Harry Osborn and Jaime Madrox, but the Multiple Man movie is not confirmed yet, so it’s sadly out of the list. Enough with the introduction, let’s see some of the most interesting cases:

 

CHRIS EVANS: CAPTAIN TORCH.

Yeah, that was the obvious example. Evans played the Human Torch in the 2005 version of Fantastic Four he was probably the only good thing that has ever happened to the F4 in a movie– and then –I want to believe that as a way to apologize to Marvel fans– he became Captain America in the best superhero trilogy ever –and one of the best castings Marvel has ever done.

Flame assemble!

 

MICHAEL B. JORDAN: THE HUMAN KILLMONGER.

2005 Fantastic Four can be seen as a film masterpiece if we compare it with the terrible 2015 version, which makes any other movie in the world better –except for Batman vs Superman or the first Wolverine. As Evans did, he redeemed himself by playing a character in an actual good superhero movie: he became Killmonger, the nemesis of Black Panther. Now he’s rumored to be the next Superman.

Working in 2015 F4 would turn anyone into a villain and you know it.

 

BEN AFFLECK: THE BAT-DEVIL.

Well, that’s another of the most known cases. Affleck played the terrible version of Daredevil –although I’ve heard that it was intended to be a dark humor movie in the line of Deadpool and the studios cut out all the funny scenes, so the director’s cut is supposed to be a lot better, but I haven’t seen it yet so I can’t tell– and years later moved to DC to play one of the most interesting versions of Batman, though in one of the most boring movies ever made in Hollywood.

He’s stuck in horny characters. Pun totally intended.

 

RACHAEL TAYLOR: HELLTHING.

This case is less known. Rachael Taylor is famous for playing Patsy “Hellcat” Walker in the Jessica Jonesshow –god I can’t wait to see her in season 3, I love her!-, but she was already a part of Marvel in the 2005 horrible movie about the Man-Thing. The movie was a total mess, not even remotely related to the comics, it was kind of a teenage slasher where the Man-Thing was evil and killed random people, we couldn’t see him until the end of the movie and he looked as a monster from R.L. Stine’s Goosebumps. His funny sidekick Richard Rory –She-Hulk’s former boyfriend– doesn’t even appear in the movie. The only good thing about it was seeing the cool and lovely Rachael as the main character –a totally made up character not coming from any comic.

“OMG I wanna quit that shitty movie and move to Netflix”.

 

RYAN REYNOLDS: GREENPOOL.

Yeah, we all know Reynolds played Green Lantern in one of the lamest movies DC has ever made –and that’s a lot to say– and then moved to Fox/Marvel to play Deadpool and make fun of his own previous terrible choice. But it’s always funny to remember it. He also appeared in Blade: Trinity, but we better forget about it.

No wonder he went insane after that.

 

MICHELLE PFEIFFER: CATWASP.

Michelle Pfeiffer –the legend, the goddess– played one of the most beloved versions of Catwoman –only comparable to Julie Newmar’s– in Tim Burton’s masterpiece Batman Returns (1992) and recently came back to superhero movies as one of the most important Marvel characters ever, the founding member who gave name to the avengers: Janet Van Dyne, A.K.A. The Wasp.

She rocks and stings in every role.

 

MICHAEL KEATON: BAT-VULTURE.

And of course we have her co-star. Michael Keaton played Batman in the first two movies of the saga –the decent ones– and came back decades later as the villain of Spiderman: Homecoming, The Vulture. Actually, in the latest Spidey movie they even made a small wink to Batman in a brief shot where we can see Keaton’s silhouette against the full moon in a very Batman-ish pose. Oh, and he was also Birdman.

“Have you ever danced with Spider-Man in the pale moonlight?”

 

JOSH BROLIN: THABLEHEX (too hard?)

I think the oldest Goonie owns the record of playing superhero movies. He was DC’s Jonah Hex, then moved to Disney-Marvel to play the villain Thanos in Avengers: Infinity War and to Fox-Marvel to play Cyclop’s son Cable in Deadpool 2. The only thing he lacks is playing some Image character but… give him time –whoa, he would make a cool Doc Holliday in Wynonna Earp!

“Image, Top Cow and Wildstorm, I’m coming for you next”.

 

TOM HARDY: BANOM.

Yeah, the new sensation Tom Hardy –not that he’s new to acting, but he has become a mass phenomenon recently– was Bane in Nolan’s Dark Knight Rises and now he’s gonna be the new Venom. I don’t have high hopes in the new Venom movie, but at least I hope he’ll make us forget Topher Grace’s Eddie Brock –with due respect to Topher as a big 70s Show fan.

“Why do they keep covering my face?”

 

PETER DINKLAGE: EITRASK.

All-time fan favorite Game of Thrones actor played the villain Bolivar Trask in the not-so-bad X-Men: Days of Future Past and returned to Marvel as Eitri in Avengers: Infinity War –though everybody was hoping he was going to play Pip the Troll.

“Yeah, I’m a total badass, get over it”.

 

HALLE BERRY: CATSTORM.

Halle was one of the best casting ideas when she was chosen to play Ororo “Storm” Munroe in the unexpectedly successful X-Men movie from the year 2000, maybe not a great movie if we look back at it today but certainly the one that started the “let’s take superhero movies seriously and try to do something decent” trend. He was less fortunate when she picked the role of Catwoman in one of the worst comic adaptations ever –still better than BvS, of course. Seriously, Halle Berry and Sharon Stone are both great actresses, they didn’t deserve that embarrassment.

Why in Hell did she go from that… to THAT???

 

AARON TAYLOR-JOHNSON: QUICK-ASS (Ha! I’ve overcome myself with this one!)

It’s somehow hard to believe that the skinny, pimpled teenager who played the main hero in the all-time masterpiece Kick-Ass is the same hunk who played Quicksilver in Avengers: Age of Ultron. But it’s even funnier when you find out than Evan Peters, who played the best friend of Kick-Ass in the first part, was also the Fox version of Quicksilver himself, both in X-Men: Days of Future Past and X-Men: Apocalypse.

“You didn’t see that coming!”

 

DOMINIC COOPER: PREACHER STARK.

Well, I know Preacher is not a superhero story, but it’s a DC comic so I thought I should include it in this list. Dominic Cooper is the awesome actor who played Howard Stark –Iron Man’s father– in both the first, usually underrated but great Captain America movie and the Agent Carter show. But now he’s moved to DC and he’s playing the coolest, most badass Preacher ever.

Man of science, man of faith.

 

BRANDON ROUTH: SUPER-ATOM.

Both DC heroes, Routh portrayed the hero in Bryan Singer’s Superman Returns –usually underrated, but he really nailed Clark Kent’s shy and clumsy persona as not many actors have– and the Atom in Arrowand Legends of Tomorrow.

“I’m stuck in DC”.

 

NEAL McDONOUGH: DARK DUM-DUM.

Minor part in the first Captain America movie, playing Nick Fury’s best friend Dum-Dum Dugan, he was also Arrow’s season 4 big bad, the evil wizard Damien Darhk. Yes, he seems to be obsessed with the letter D.

Dum-Darhk… no, wait, I mean Damien Dugan… no… well, whatever.

 

ADRIANNE PALICKI: THE MOCKING WONDER.

Besides playing Sam’s girlfiend Jessica in Supernatural, our beloved Mockingbird from Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. had previously played a very famous DC superhero in a less known adaptation: the 2011 TV pilot of Wonder Woman, along with Pedro Pascal, Elizabeth Hurley and Cary Elwes.

She’s lovely, no matter who she’s playing.

 

LAURA VANDERVOORT: SUPER-INDIGO.

Yes, she was the cool Supergirl from Smallville. And yes, she’s Indigo, the villain from –much cooler– Supergirl season one. I better not talk about all the Smallville actors who appear now in Supergirl or this list would be soooo long.

“I will kill every Supergirl who’s not me!”

 

NICOLAS CAGE: GHOST DADDY.

The coolest Coppola was the badass vigilante Big Daddy in the unforgettable Kick-Ass. This was probably his way to apologize for the –sadly, also unforgettable– Ghost Rider.

“Dude, I’m on fire… literally. In both movies”.

 

MATT FREWER: WHITE KING MOLOCH.

Matt Frewer –the 80s star mostly known as Max Headroom or as the big bad of The Librarians– played Moloch in the famous Watchmen movie, but in the 90s he had been a Marvel villain. In the –surprisingly decent and fun– 1996 TV Movie Generation X where Finola Hughes from Charmed played a totally badass Emma Frost-, he played a villain named Russell Tresh. Although the character was specially created for the movie, he was clearly a mixture between famous villains Bolivar Trask and Donald Pierce, the White King of the Hellfire Club –and he played Pierce much better than this creepy hobo-rapper from the Logan movie.

This guy sure knows how to play a psycho.

 

CHRISTOPHER ECCLESTON: THE INVISIBLE MALEKITH.

Tricky one, because when we talk about superhero movies/shows we usually forget there are some of them outside Marvel and DC. Good old Chris–The 9th Doctor, you whovians out there!– played the invisible homeless man in the epic show Heroes and returned as the villain Malekith in the highly forgettable Thor: The Dark World.

“I should have stayed invisible”.

 

JULIAN McMAHON: DOCTOR RUNAWAY.

Another case like Chris Evans himself. Julian McMahon –Cole from Charmed– played Doctor Doom in 2005 Fantastic Four, then came back to Marvel to redeem himself playing the bad guy in the awesome Runaways TV show.

“I want to play a good guy, but my face won’t help”.

 

JUSTIN HARTLEY: AQUA-ARROW.

This case is bizarre. Hartley portrayed the coolest version of Green Arrow ever made –sorry, Stephen Amell, you’re great, but he was the best– in Smallville. Aquaman also appeared in the show, but he wasn’t as successful as Oliver Queen was amongst the fans. Then, for some weird reason, the showrunners decided to throw an Aquaman spinoff, only it was played by… Justin Hartley. Yes, instead of making a Green Arrow spinoff, they tried to make one about their least successful character, but played by the actor who was currently playing Green Arrow. No wonder it was a total failure and only a pilot was shot. My advice: don’t watch that pilot if you value your time and self-esteem.

“What did I do wrong?”

 

ALESSANDRO JULIANI: FOREVER TIED TO SUPERMAN.

Now that we’re talking about Smallville, one of the most beloved characters was Doctor Emil Hamilton, played by Alessandro Juliani. He was recasted years later for a newer version of Superman, the annoyingly lame Man of Steel, where he played Officer Sekowsky. Fun fact: the movie also featured Dr. Hamilton, but he was played by another actor –Why? You had Juliani! Why cast another guy?

He also voiced Iron Man 2099 in the animated show and played a minor part in Watchmen.

Super-Doctor.

 

MICHAEL ROSENBAUM: MARTINEX LUTHOR.

Ok, I swear that’s the last Smallville actor I put on this list! –I’m biting my tongue not to talk about Tom Welling in Lucifer. But it’s so awesome to find out that the best Lex Luthor ever portrayed was also in Guardians of the Galaxy vol. 2 playing Martinex, right?

“Shit, I’m still bald!”

 

ELLEN PAGE: SHADOWBOLT.

Yes, our beloved Shadowcat from the X-Men movies was also the not-so-super heroine Boltie in a James Gunn humor movie named Super in 2010.

She’s so awesome.

 

RAY STEVENSON: PUNISHING VOLSTAGG.

Did you know the guy who played Punisher in the third movie –if we count the Dolph Lundgren one– was also Volstagg in the Thor franchise? I didn’t.

“Why do you hate me, Marvel?”

 

ALFRE WOODWARD: LUKE CAGE’S CIVIL WAR.

Remember that angry lady who yelled at Tony Stark in the beginning of Captain America: Civil War? Yes, she’s the same actress who plays villain Black Mariah in Luke Cage.

That woman REALLY hates superheroes.

 

JOHN FAVREAU: FOGGY HOGAN.

The director of Iron Man also appeared as an actor in the movies playing Stark’s friend Happy Hogan, but… Did you remember he also played Foggy Nelson in Affleck’s Daredevil?

“Why am I always the hero’s funny friend?”

 

SAM ELLIOT: THUNDERBOLT RIDER.

The star from The Ranch and Tombstone played the best version of General Thunderbolt Ross –A.K.A. Red Hulk– in the worst Hulk movie –the one by Ang Lee. But he also portrayed the first Ghost Rider in the terrible Cage movie.

Not very lucky with superhero movies, Sam.

 

TONY CURRAN: ASGARDEVIL.

You may know him better as Vincent Van Gogh in Doctor Who or Datak Tarr in Defiance. But British actor Tony Curran has had two interesting roles in the MCU: One as the godfather of the Irish mafia in Daredevil season 2, the other as Thor’s grandfather Bol.

This guy knows how to play a bad guy… or an impressionist artist.

 

VINCENT D’ONOFRIO: KINGPIN OF ASGARD.

Well, this last one is more of a joke than anything else, but… We all love Vincent D’Onofrio playing Kingpin in Daredevil season 1, one of the best villains ever portrayed in the MCU –I think only David Tennant as the Purple Man can compete with him-, but in the 80s comedy Adventures in Babysitting he played some kind of a Thor parody.

“Die a hero, Thor, or live enough to become a Kingpin”.

 

Any other multiple hero –no Madrox pun intended– you can recall? Leave us a comment!

Críticas

7 AWESOME THINGS DISNEY COULD DO NOW THEY HAVE FOX SUPERHEROES

30-7-2018

Originalmente publicado en Uncanny Nerd.

So it’s official. Fox belongs to Disney now. And you all know what it means for us nerds: we’ll finally have mutants coexisting in the same universe as the Avengers! Think of the possibilities: Cyclops and Nick Fury sharing their sight conditions; Thor and Storm in a lightning competition; Kitty Pryde dating Star-Lord as they did in the comics. But most of all there’s one reason to be happy about the deal: WELCOME HOME, DR. REED RICHARDS! Welcome to a world of good movies and good casting, welcome to the rebirth of your dignity.

Yeah, there’s an infinity –pun intended– of possibilities, but let’s see just 7 juicy things we could finally get to see.

 

1-A RESTART OF THE X-MEN.

I won’t say that all X-Men movies suck or that Bryan Singer was a bad choice to direct them, but I think we all can agree that the mutant cosmos in Fox has been at the very least irregular. They have some movies that are kinda correct (X-Men 2), some that are real masterpieces (X-Men: First Class, Logan, Deadpool) and some that are so lame it almost physically hurts (X-Men 3, and mostly the first Wolverine movie). The fact is, all these movies don’t seem to belong in the same universe. The lack of logic and continuity from one movie to the next and the extreme difference of quality between them make it look as if those in charge of the Fox universe were merely improvising with no idea what to do next. Disney’s MCU is famous for taking a lot of care in internal coherence and planning everything in advance. That would hugely benefit a saga whose lack of cohesion has been its own worst enemy –besides Bryan Singer. And it’s about time someone does justice to some characters who have been humiliated by Fox and retells them as they should have been from the very start: give us a badass, ruthless Cyclops instead of that Backstreet Boy wannabe; give us a funny, clever and heroic Multiple Man instead of that pathetic joke from X-Men 3; give us a Rogue who is the badassest of the badass, the coolest leader the Avengers have ever followed, instead of that unexplainably lame crybaby.

 

2-MAKE DOCTOR DOOM THE NEW LOKI.

Loki has been the top villain of the MCU for ten years, jumping from a movie to the next and always being one of the fan favourites. Now that –SPOILER ALEEEEEEEERRRRRRRT!!!– they’ve killed him in Infinity War, someone needs to fill the gap. And who’s another charismatic, interesting supervillain the fans would totally love? Doctor Victor Von Motherf***ing Doom, emperor of Latveria and the only man whose ego is bigger than Tony Stark’s winning a Nobel Prize while riding a unicorn. He’s a powerful wizard, a tech genius, he can timetravel (hey, did someone talk about timetravel in Avengers 4? Well well well…) and he’s an all-time fan favourite. He deserves to be the new recurring villain after Loki, hands down.

 

3-MAKE ANNIHILUS THE NEW THANOS.

During these ten years, there’s always been a background story cooking and finally unleashing in Infinity War: the story of Thanos and the Infinity Stones. Now this storyline seems to be reaching its end –probably in Avengers 4. Knowing how the MCU runners love to create a huge story with years of advance planning, looks like they are gonna put a new giant arc after Thanos. So, which other villain is as huge and terrible as the Mad Titan and can threaten the very existence of the universe? Lord Annihilus, ruler of the dimension known as the Negative Zone. With the MCU paying more attention to the cosmic department –Warlock, Captain Marvel, Eternals– it seems very likely. Also, Annihilus started as a Fantastic Four villain, so they could easily introduce him now. And with the Captain Marvel movie next year and the relation between the original Mar-Vell and the Negative Zone… well I’m only guessing, but just in case, please mark my words.

 

4-ROGUE VS CAROL DANVERS.

If Goku and Superman could somehow have a daughter, her name would probably be Anna Raven, A.K.A. Rogue. In the movies they only showed us her absorption powers, but the real Rogue has also super-strength, invulnerability, super-speed, flight and tons of badassery. Rogue started as a villain due to the bad influence of her stepmother Mystique. Was during this time when she confronted Carol Danvers, F.K.A. Miss Marvel. Rogue was trying to absorb her powers following Mystique’s orders, but she went too far and nearly killed her. Carol fell into a coma and her mind was absorbed into Rogue’s brains, who lived with both personalities from then on. Rogue had destroyed Carol’s life and she wanted revenge, so during the following years –when Rogue had already turned into a prominent member of the X-Men– Carol tortured her mind from the inside and constantly tried to take control over her body. They eventually separated from each other, but they’ve been sworn enemies forever. Now that we have Carol in the MCU, it would be extremely epic to see such story in the movies. Imagine Rogue and Captain Marvel being archnemesis and constantly trying to kill each other though they are both superheroes. Just. So. Epic.

 

5-WOLVERINE VS HULK. (Maestro is a VERSION of Hulk.. so pic is still valid)

There are some showdowns we always love to see in a comic: The Thing vs Colossus, Mr Fantastic vs Doc Doom, Mar-Vell vs Thanos, the previously mentioned Rogue vs Miss Marvel… but the classic, the greatest, coolest, will always be Wolverine vs Hulk. Actually, James “Logan” Howlett’s first appearance was as the “bad guy” in issue #180 (or #181 depending who you ask) of The Incredible Hulk and since then they have engaged in combat several times. And all of the times it was surely epic. With both characters’ healing powers, they can just fight forever. And some battles are forever to be remembered, such as the one at the end of the all-time masterpiece Old Man Logan. Now, seeing that in a movie… whoa. Just whoa.

 

6-MAKE GALACTUS GREAT AGAIN.

Let’s be honest, Galactus is one of the coolest, more awesome villains ever written. And let’s be even more honest, the only movie where he kind of “appears” –Fantastic Four 2: Rise of the Silver Surfer– was likethe worst movie ever made besides Wolverine or Dragon Ball Evolution, of course. We didn’t get to see the majestic and terrifying Galactus in all his glory, he was just a lame shadow during five lame seconds of the lamest movie you can possibly imagine. That’s not fair. That’s not fair at all. So Disney, please, as another infamous and creepy supervillain would say: make Galactus great again.

 

7-FOR ONCE, A DECENT FANTASTIC FOUR MOVIE.

The F4 were the beginning of the Marvel Universe, the very center of it all, the most important family in comics history –I mean, even Earth-616 is named after the publishing date of F4 #1, June of 1961But they’ve never had a decent movie. Well, the 2005 movie was kind of funny –mostly thanks to Chris Evans– and it wasn’t a bad superhero movie for the standards of that year, but the final fight was ridiculous and the movie itself cannot be compared to the quality levels the MCU shows in magnificent films such as Winter Soldier, Infinity War or Thor Ragnarok. Now it’s time for Disney to do justice to the greatest superhero family –sorry, Summers– doing an epic, adventurous, unforgettable action movie, one that raises the Fantastic Four to the position they deserve as center of the MCU, same level as the Avengers or the Guardians of the Galaxy.

And as Blondie used to sing, “Dreaming is free”, so here goes what my ideal casting would be:

  • MR FANTASTIC – DAVID TENNANT. I know it’s impossible because he already plays the Purple Man in the MCU, but come on, picture Tennant playing Richards, he’d nail it and you know it. We’ve seen him play The Doctor and they both are basically the same character with different names.
  • INVISIBLE WOMAN – KRISTEN BELL. We’ve seen her being smart and funny in Veronica Mars or The Good Place, we’ve seen her with superpowers in Heroes… I think she’s ready for the MCU.
  • HUMAN TORCH – JENSEN ACKLES. That would be funny because he was one of the actors who almost got to play Captain America, but finally Chris Evans did it, so at least this way he would get to play the part of the other Evans’ superhero.
  • THE THING – DWAYNE JOHNSON. Nah, not really, just wanted to make a pun about the nickname The Rock.
  • DOCTOR DOOM – KIEFER SUTHERLAND. I mean, THAT VOICE! That deep, heavy, dark, powerful voice! It was him or Powers Boothe, but…
  • SHE-HULK – MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ. Well, I said “Dreaming is free”, right?